All In

It's only a few more weeks until East. I am getting that nervous feeling of not having things done in time, but I would get that feeling no matter how much I had done. I notice that I have been having some sort of weird creative block lately. When you begin to feel behind, you (or is it just me?) tend to push things rather than let them come to you. I imagine that sentence could only make sense to some. I find it hard to articulate what I feel when I am having a sort of creative crisis. I guess that would make sense, though, huh?

It is like my brain is trying to do too many things at once and I am not capable of putting it on paper. That really sucks, but it happens. This is probably the same old song with all artists and may be a bore to read about, but, as always, it helps to write about it.

I still feel the need to express what I have discussed in previous posts, but it is almost as if every mark I make is forced and awful. I erase, erase, erase, erase .... and then erase some more. Today, however, I woke up telling myself, "Don't you erase a single thing today. Enhance it. Make it yours." And I did. I didn't take start over and over and over again. I just let myself finish the idea. I mean, it's not finished yet, but it's coming along nicely. You just have to take a breath for a moment and feel what you're doing.

Before I end this brief entry, I will share with you the idea behind this particular piece I am discussing. When I say that I want to do a tarot deck, it definitely does add to the list of the million projects I have envisioned. On the other hand, it is totally doable if I have one going all the time - even in between other things. Is that a bad idea? I don't know. Maybe. I want to do it anyway, so I started with "The Moon". I haven't drawn in all the components, so it is definitely still a work in progress. It may not look like much now, but here are some progress photos.

See, now, I have only written a few paragraphs and I already feel better about my direction. Always stay focused. Even if it frustrates the shit out of you.

Then, smile because you're making art.

Focus and Variety

Time ticks and the hours collect in your pocket as a reminder to get work done. You take them out, you count them and you see how much has been wasted instead of spent making art. Hey, that's life and life happens, right? You have grab those hours ahead and store them in your bank to cash out for what you love. Precious time. Art = time. Time = art. What? Yep. Curse you, pain meds!

Pain medication nonsense aside. Time is always something I think and talk about. I have always thought the one thing I would really, really miss when I die is making art and that still rings true. I don't necessarily think about death all the time, but I do think about conquering all the ideas and creating all the wonderful lines that I can, when I can. I spent a good chunk of last week drawing and jotting down ideas and I loved every minute of it. This week has been sort of a miss for me since I have been sulking in bed recovering from dental surgery. However, I am determined to do some mark-making even if it comes out completely awful. And yeah, again, I am on some pain medication, so I don't expect to make anything spectacular, but that's okay.

I have come so close to finishing the drawing I had shown in my previous post and have even started a few others. I didn't get a chance to take great photos of them, but they're still in the works anyway. So, so close to being done with the twins, though! Adding more ink, pastels and a few more details and it's off to being framed after that.

I have been told a couple times that maybe I should stop making so many masked/beaked figures, but I say nope. I will stop making them when they stop coming to me. "Aren't you afraid of all your work looking the same for a while?" Well, no, not really. Not only do I enjoy my time when I make the art that I want, but I also enjoy being able to think more expansively about the "theme" or "symbols" (for lack of better words) that I have in me during a certain period of time. I want to explore my work in graphite more, so I am. I want to dig deeper into the imagery that I have used quite a bit in my life, so I am. I want to explore the way the body moves, contorts and the ways in which I can exaggerate and distort it, so I am. I want to keep doing what I'm doing. So I am.

For me, building on my work lends to change on its own. Art does that. It naturally changes and flexes not only within influences of your outside world and art around you but also with your psyche. Sometimes, yes, I do think to myself, "oh, I will do a series of such and such" but that does not mean it did not come to me in a natural sort of way or sprouted from an existing idea. When I force myself to change the way I do things or force an idea that's not in me, then it usually turns to shit anyway. Moral of this story? It's not a bad thing to work in a series or to explore an idea(s) - it is not repetitive. It allows me to investigate and explore something in a variety of perspectives. This is sort of related to what I wrote about in the previous post, but it is an ongoing thought within me ... and probably most artists. 

So, once again, here is this guy. He's been redone a few times. I can't stop thinking of this image and became sort of obsessed to get it the way I want it. I think I am liking this version more than any others. He always seemed so regal, so the wreath framing and the crown seems fitting. I also noticed that the shading and the shape of the flowers on the wreath are reminiscent of the hair on the twin piece. Maybe I needed to complete that piece before this came to me? I don't know really, but I like where it's going. I want to write a little story about him. 

As for this doodle here in my sketchbook, this is an idea that happened at the most wonderful time. Quiet time. As you can kind of tell, I was in bed. Sitting and drawing in sweet silence after a lovely hot bath. It was awesome. My mind was at ease and the thoughts flowed like smooth waves from my fingers through my pencil. Magic. This is what I intend to do this evening while I am posted up in bed. I can't speak, but my hands can. 

Have a happy Saturday, all.